The last few days have all been fairly similar in terms of my physical condition. My stomach muscles are sore, especially when sitting in certain positions or getting up from a chair, but I am able to tolerate most liquids pretty well. My protein shakes go down fairly smoothly, which is great. Right now I’m getting in about 300 calories per day, usually in the form of 2 Unjury protein shakes made with unsweetened almond milk, which I drink throughout the day. I also have been getting in about 32 ounces of diluted Crystal Light. Once a day I’ll usually have a sugar free popsicle, too.

I feel pretty great, physically. It’s hard to remember how horrendous those first two days were, now that I’m feeling closer to normal again.

Today I’m dealing more with the mental side effects of the surgery. Although I’m never hungry, I want to eat. My husband had a quesadilla for dinner this evening (one of my favorite foods) and I really wanted some. It smelled amazing. There was no chance I would eat it, considering I have absolutely no desire to test my new tummy, but the craving was there, in full force.

I don’t know what I expected. It’s not like the surgery took out my scent glands so I wouldn’t be able to smell good food. It also wasn’t a lobotomy that would prevent me from craving my old favorites. A lot of people talk about how the gastric sleeve surgery removes the portion of your stomach that produces the hormone Ghrelin, which stimulates appetite. I’ve read blogs where people attribute their success in large part to not having that hormone anymore.

The program director at the hospital told me it was all hooey. I don’t think he was dismissing anyone else’s experience as much as trying to lower my expectations. I dismissed him, though, in favor of anecdotal evidence, and had this idea that I would just no longer want food ever, at all, unless it was a protein shake to satiate my hunger.

Oh, naive me. Of course that’s not how this works. The cravings are still there. The desire is still there. Only 6 days out and the head hunger is DEFINITELY there. It sounds like it disappears for some people, but it did not disappear for me.

So, I got a little depressed. I got a little frustrated that I couldn’t have a quesadilla. I have an unhealthy relationship with food (hence needing the surgery) and now I am annoyed that I cannot continue down that unhealthy path. I have to assume that this frustration will pass. I have to assume that once I actually can see the results of the surgery I will be happier with the success than with not having a bowl of ice cream. For now, though, my belly is still swollen, I don’t feel any lighter, and I want a damned quesadilla.

Sigh. This too shall pass.