Today started out strong. I drank a liter of water before my daily coffee and didn’t eat anything until after 3 pm. But then boy did I eat. I don’t know why but I ate 2700 calories today.

I have three rules, currently. Track everything I eat in my fitness pal, stay under 30 carbs (but aim for less than 20), and talk about my day everyday at the end of the day with my SO. I also have goals, which are to eat less than 1600 calories per day, drink 5 liters of water per day (of those, no more than 2 liters of crystal light), and don’t eat after 8 pm. I only met the water goal today.

I just wanted to eat. And I didn’t want to stop myself. I couldn’t find a reason within myself to say no, it isn’t worth it to eat more. And so I ate. I wish I hadn’t. I gained nothing from it. I feel bad about it. And, what’s even more annoying, is that I know I’ll do it again. If not tomorrow maybe the next day. Sigh. I need to get into a solid routine where these things don’t happen but it’s so hard. Why is it so hard? Why do I sabotage myself?