I made the realization awhile ago that one of the biggest impediments to my success on my weight loss journey is the television. For some reason, the television is interesting enough for me to want to watch it a few hours a night, but not interesting enough to captivate me completely. In order to remedy this, I often watch tv while eating. This, to me, is perfect. I love it. Eating mindlessly while watching tv is a reliable escape. It is inexplicably comforting to me and I look forward to it at the end of a day, stressful or not.

I have known this for awhile, and I have tried many times to curb this awful habit. I have forbidden myself from eating anywhere other than the kitchen table (earlier in this blog, as a matter of fact) which lasted all of 3 days. I have taken all of the “snack” foods out of the house (and then managed to create snack foods out of whatever was left). I have sworn off television, only to be sucked right back in.

The reason I have continually failed is because I like it so damn much. I really, sincerely enjoy eating and watching tv, and I suspect I am not alone. It’s a habit I learned from my parents and one that I have never quite been able to break.

I am now going to take a two-fold approach to this problem. Eating in front of the TV is okay. I’ve tried stopping and it just makes me bitter. What is not okay, is the amount I consume, and that I do so mindlessly. As long as I track everything I eat in myfitnesspal then it’s okay. It helps keep me honest and I can reflect back on it the next day with even more resolve to improve.

The other thing I’m going to work on is finding a different thing to do with my hands. I’m going to give counted cross stitch a shot. I tried this before with knitting, which sort of worked, but now I’m going to give it a shot with cross stitch.

Either way, I’ve been staying in Ketosis, which is a success in and of itself.

Today started out strong. I drank a liter of water before my daily coffee and didn’t eat anything until after 3 pm. But then boy did I eat. I don’t know why but I ate 2700 calories today.

I have three rules, currently. Track everything I eat in my fitness pal, stay under 30 carbs (but aim for less than 20), and talk about my day everyday at the end of the day with my SO. I also have goals, which are to eat less than 1600 calories per day, drink 5 liters of water per day (of those, no more than 2 liters of crystal light), and don’t eat after 8 pm. I only met the water goal today.

I just wanted to eat. And I didn’t want to stop myself. I couldn’t find a reason within myself to say no, it isn’t worth it to eat more. And so I ate. I wish I hadn’t. I gained nothing from it. I feel bad about it. And, what’s even more annoying, is that I know I’ll do it again. If not tomorrow maybe the next day. Sigh. I need to get into a solid routine where these things don’t happen but it’s so hard. Why is it so hard? Why do I sabotage myself?