Oh Keto, such a love/hate relationship I have with you.
I first started a ketogenic diet in late May of 2012, days before embarking on a 2-week trip. Impressively, I was able to stay true to keto the entire time, despite incredible temptation in San Francisco, Hawaii, and Seattle. As a matter of fact, I successfully avoided carbohydrates for just over 4 months, losing 20 pounds during that time. On October 12, however, I jumped off the keto wagon for my birthday, and then struggled for weeks to jump back on. Eventually, I stopped trying. I knew I would be going home to Portland for Thanksgiving and would eat poorly, so I decided to officially take a break.
During my 6 week break, I ate as though I would never eat again. I consumed ridiculous amounts of chocolate, pizza, ice-cream, bread, etc. I had told myself that on December 1, 2012, I would find that keto wagon and sit my butt on it for the long haul. Until then, though, I was free.
Not only do I recognize, as I write this, how unhealthy my relationship with food has been; I recognized it at the time, too. Of course, if I had a healthy relationship with food I wouldn’t be obese to begin with, but that isn’t the point. I have, over the past 3 years, drastically improved my eating and exercise habits but apparently I still have a long way to go. I gained back 15 of the 20 pounds I had lost. Great. Suddenly I wasn’t just mindlessly enjoying “bad” foods, I was digging myself into a little hole of depression. My clothes were too tight, I felt sloppy and unattractive, my libido had disappeared, and I began to feel that old familiar feeling of hopelessness.
When December 1 came it was almost a relief. I remembered how happy I had been on keto. How I hadn’t stressed about what I could and couldn’t eat, and how easy it had become to say no to cupcakes at work. For me, keto is easy in some ways but hard in others. It is easy for me to quit cold turkey. I struggle terribly with moderation and accepting that I cannot have a cupcake means I don’t think about it even when it’s sitting right in front of me. It just isn’t an option. In that regard, keto works wonders for me. The difficulty comes when I plateau. The scale isn’t moving and suddenly it all seems for naught. Never mind the successes I’ve had, clearly this diet does not work and I might as well eat a pizza (not a slice of pizza- a whole pizza).
I anticipate experiencing this again, and probably soon. I’ve been on keto for 10 days now and so far it’s going well. I’ve had too many sunflower seeds and I eat too much cheese but getting back in the right mindset is a process. Like I said, I’m no good at moderation. Everything I’ve eaten over the last 10 days is technically keto friendly, but sometimes not in the quantities I’ve eaten.
The good news is, I’m already back to the right hole in my belt and my pants are feeling a little looser. I’m determined to stick with it this time.
Keto on.